It has been my utter (and occasionally hilarious) misfortune to run into some of the strangest and most obnoxious flight-attendants ever while on planes (if that wasn’t obvious).The first had an obsession with having all windows closed that bordered on psychotic. She would literally walk up and down the aisles, asking the passengers if they could please, kindly, shut their windows. We (being my mother, sister, and I) dubbed her “The Window Nazi” based on her ludicrous requests. For the entirety of the flight, she just about begged every person on the flight to shut the windows for no apparent reason. My mother muttered the sentiment “I paid for this ticket, and I’ll shut the window if I want to.”
The second flight attendant had a small pet peeve regarding the overhead bins, and she was the one designated to close them all before the flight began. If they didn’t close correctly on the first try, she would reopen them and rampantly rearrange the baggage, and then slam the doors shut as if they had personally wronged her.
The third, who I encountered yesterday while flying back from Denver, might have been the most hilarious flight attendant I have ever had to share an airplane with. I never saw this woman’s face, but learned enough about her through her speeches over the intercom to take her about as seriously as I do something that I do not take seriously at all. The first thing she did was tell as all that safety was her main priority.
She pleaded with us to please not get up when the seatbelt sign was on, for it was unsafe. She had already said the word safe about twenty-three times when the turbulence started. She came over the intercom, telling us to please fasten our seatbelts. I grasped my armrests in mock horror. The Safe Nazi said we were also going to have to put away our electronic devices early, because it was unsafe. She seemed rushed and anxious, as if we were experiencing a true crisis. She told us we weren’t allowed to use cellular phones until we landed, which we were all perfectly aware of. I put my hand on my mothers and said sarcastically, “Oh, good. I can’t wait to call our relatives to tell them that we are okay.”
When we finally landed, she began the spiel about “thanking us for our business.” Then she implored us to be cautious while in Vegas. She said to be careful with money, not to spend it all at once, and then to be especially cautious while driving, because “people drink here, y’know.”
This sent me as well as the people who I sat near into laughter. Because, obviously, Vegas is the only place where people drink. A boisterous man seating in front of me laughed loudly at the absurdity of her statement. An older woman beside me said “I think she just likes to hear the sound of her voice over the intercom.” I agreed with her. I wondered if the flight attendant noticed the distaste of her passengers, and hoped she did and would therefore stop being an infernal nag.
This experience set me to thinking. Do flight attendants become annoying deliberately? I can imagine that the job becomes tedious at points, and to break the monotony, perhaps flight attendants decide to do strange things in order to gauge the reactions of the people on the flight. A different personality every flight- that would certainly be interesting. But all in all I believe that maybe being in such high altitudes for countless hours, days on end, can turn young women into crazy old flight attendants with acute obsessions.
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