BRAAAAAAINS

Halloween is a night dedicated to merriment and rambunctiousness supplemented by sugary treats (i.e. candy). I believe it to be one of the best holidays out there, because I enjoy dressing up in costumes, walking around at nighttime, and sugary treats (i.e. candy). Perfect holiday, no?

But there are some people out there who dislike Halloween with a frightening gusto, which is something I will never understand. I can not wrap my BRAAAIN around the fact that some people just don’t enjoy this tremendous celebration. Frankly, it scares me. It scares me more than zombies, werewolves, or vampires (“I’m here to suck you blood” vampires, mind you, not “I’m here to fall in love with you and be a sparkly Calvin Klein model” vampires).

I believe that those who dislike Halloween just do not comprehend its incomparable fun-potential and decide not to bask in its gory glory.

Halloween is obviously one of the best holidays available because it allows you to go up to random people’s houses and take things from them. Its virtually stealing, masked under the label of a holiday. Even if the only bounty recovered is Three Musketeers bars and sometimes-stale licorice, it’s better than getting arrested for breaking and entering and having that on your record. Kleptomaniacs, unite.

And it’s also undeniable that scaring young children is incredibly rewarding and entertaining. My parents like to go all-out for Halloween, which occasionally terrifies the unfortunate children under the age of nine: setting up dried ice in a cauldron that looks like a convincing witch’s brew, shrouding themselves in orange and green light, blasting a haunted Halloween soundtrack complete with grotesque noises, scattering foam gravestones and other props throughout the yard, and my father, dressed as El Viscula (A demonic combination of Dracula and Elvis) cackling like a madman every few minutes.

And what could possibly be more fun than being somebody besides plain, boring, old you for one night? Personally, I think its something to take advantage of. For instance, this Halloween I dressed up as my sister, and it felt just great. (See picture above.)